I’m excited. Why? Well I haven’t won the lottery. I didn’t buy a new car. Nothing over-the-top has happened, but something wonderful is to come. It’s called Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is like the prelude to Christmas. Christmas is my all time favorite, would sacrifice my birthday to have it twice a year, holiday that I get excited about every year. It’s not the concept of gifts I might receive. Not even close. It’s that feeling. That feeling that reminds me, “This is where my heart is”, “THIS is what makes me HAPPY”.
Thanksgiving reminds me that my favorite holiday is right around the corner. I’m not excited about the turkey (although it’s a bonus). It does make me happy to think of my ‘parentals’ making Grandma Buckeyes infamous stuffing for our entire extended family or how they make an extra bowl, without the onions, for my Uncle Mark.
I know my Aunt Chris will come toting several casserole dishes full of corn, green beans w/ham and anything else she feels like contributing to the “Bring all you can eat and leave overly-stuffed” dinner that will be prepared at my Aunt Debbie’s house as tradition dictates.
I’ll even get to contribute the Green Bean casserole that I am notoriously remembered for almost screwing up, completely, by not getting it done until AFTER every one ate. We’ll chock that up to a long story.
While those things make me happy the part that I love more than anything else is just… being. Being with my family. To listen them to them talk, rehash stories from long ago, to hear their laughter, to see them… happy.
We’ve been through a lot; individually and as a family. As strong as we are, we’re not always as strong as we would like to be. A broken heart is a difficult thing to mend.
There’s always a spot at the table that has a void. It’s missing Amanda. She loved family so much that she would come up with reasons just to…be. To be with us, to hear our laughter, hear our stories from long ago, etc. and the feeling was quite mutual I assure you.
The love she had for everyone was incomparable & the epitome of unconditional.
I miss it. I miss her.
I miss what HER contribution was to everything I hold near & dear. She was always much better at expressing herself than I was. She could easily blurt out, “I LOVE YOU” at random and it had a way of making you smile from the inside, out because you knew there were never any truer words spoken. She really loved THAT much and that kind of love could warm you up more than anything on the Thanksgiving menu could ever hope to.
I would be lying if I said things haven’t changed. Each of us have been changed in ways that aren’t easily translated. Losing her certainly had a domino effect. It’s hard losing someone who was such an important person in so many lives.
So it’s those moments in my Aunt Debbie’s kitchen & dining room, during Thanksgiving, and the laughter during Christmas around my Mom’s tree that I hold on to as tightly as I can.
Over time certain voices will be silenced, traditions will fade & moments will transpire into memories.
So I hold them close to my heart and find solace with the fact that at least I have now. This moment, in time, to continue to hear their laughter and make more memories that will remain in my heart for the remainder of my own life. It’s the foundation of that unconditional love that will hold you together, most, when you feel like the world is falling apart. It’s like a safety net that you know is always there should you fall.
Even if time, chaos, life or even if death gets in the way, one thing will always remain true… my love for them is unconditional & I’ll always be grateful for being fortunate enough to call them… “my family”. I am truly blessed.
Live. Laugh. Love.
