There’s a reason for this post…just keep reading: When I was younger I would instantly react to something with emotion. I wouldn’t take the time to “think it through”, at all. I just reacted with no concern for consequence.
The older I became, the more I realized that over half my problems were based on my instantaneous reaction, alone. It’s “easy” to react in emotion as we tend to get wrapped up in them as human beings. What we seem to forget is the perception of us, by others, that will make or break just how seriously we’ll be taken…or the respect earned/lossed. You can claim you don’t care what others think, but there are SOME people whose perception of you is important.
I was afraid that if I let anyone walk on me that I would be perceived as weak and for someone with my caliber of stubbornness…my reputation was to be protected at all cost. So if someone did something “wrong” to me – I’d jump all over them. I wouldn’t ask, “Why did you do that?” – I just went full throttle. Grown man or woman (once a girl straight out of prison) — I’d let them have it, it didn’t matter.
What I didn’t realize is how much that same stubbornness was actually defining my character…and it wasn’t positive. I was notoriously known for being a (wait for it)…”b with an itch” Blunt, brutal and with a “I don’t give a _____!” what anyone thinks mentality.
Over the years, I learned that communication was fundamental to not only getting things accomplished effectively, but also…respectfully. If I wanted to be treated with respect then I needed to act with respect. There’s no in-between resolution here, it was really that simple. Nobody listens to a lunatic with an attitude. What they’ll listen to is calm, rational communication.
So I started thinking things through, using objectivity and learning to communicate – it was like learning to speak all over again lol. The irony is…where I was once perceived as weak, because of those instant emotional reactions, I was then being perceived as strong simply based on of how I communicated (respect) and my reaction (calm).
I’m still learning and I’ll continue to – we should, life is a “mental evolution”. In the learning process, I’ve also discovered that each person is different and how you communicate with them may have to be adjusted accordingly. I also realized that no matter how nicely you say things to someone there will ALWAYS be people who look to be offended; that’s on them. I don’t coddle anyone. I’m still blunt, but I pick and choose my battles more… selectively. Let’s be real, there are just some people/situations not worth ANY reaction.
With all this said, there’s a reason for this post. Something happened about 5 months ago (it was business related) that almost triggered my past means of communication; it was bad. Instead of instantly reacting, I waited…5 months. Why so long? Because I was afraid if I didn’t wait, I would have resorted back to “that attitude” I had years prior.
I confronted someone today, calmly and respectfully, and she explained why something happened the way it did and that it had already been dealt with it accordingly. She also thanked me for coming directly to her and giving her a chance to explain before never doing business with her again.
Sidenote: I don’t want to give the wrong impression, there are those RARE times I will bring “her”, that amazingly stubborn, take no crap, version of me out. However, I save her for those oh so very special occasions; unfortunately she’s needed sometimes. Albeit, for the most part…I don’t need “her” as much as I did 10 years ago and I’m grateful for that. I could regret “her”, but without that mental strength/attitude I wouldn’t have found a way to grow even stronger. Everyone needs a good foundation. My past is mine. <3
Communication? is the best gift you can teach yourself and do for others. Be the change you want to see.
