Jenntality

If you’re here, you’ve probably been researching on the net because right about now you are experiencing symptoms of something that has become a PITA (pain in the ass, for those that don’t know).

Listen, society says it’s taboo to talk about certain things because it’s not acceptable. However, I loathe those negative attitudes because quite frankly…it can stop someone from asking questions to the right people or seeking the help needed. Or send you on a 3 week advice search because you don’t know what you have or what to do about it. Yeah, that’d be me!

Speaking of right people, I want to make something clear before I go any further…I am NOT a medical professional and any information provided here should be taken with a grain of salt. In short, don’t say that you tried a recommendation that I made, have something go wrong and try to fault me. If there is ANYTHING that I have learned…everyone experiences hemorrhoids differently. You either have internal, prolapsed internal, external, thrombosed external or a combination of both. I’m merely sharing what helped me.

That’s right, folks. I had hemorrhoids…also known as piles. We all had Norovirus last month, one thing escalated to another and I was the lucky winner!

One was a thrombosed external hemorrhoid…and I named it Satan. It was evil…pure, painful, swollen, I thought I was going to die kind of evil. I named my regular external hemorrhoid Gomer Pyle. He wasn’t evil, but he was the goofy sidekick that didn’t make any sense.

It all started back when I got pregnant – almost 10 years ago. Men, don’t stop reading…this is an equal opportunity kind of ailment. In fact, they are more common in men than women; you’re welcome.

If you weight lift, do squats…you’re a prime candidate. At any rate, back to the nature at hand…it all started back when I got pregnant. With that said, the level (or stage…yes, hemorrhoids have stages) I experienced was more bothersome than painful and would subside. Fortunately, I was one of the lucky ones…or so I thought.

You see, evidently once you get hemorrhoids…they never go away. In fact, EVERYONE has them, but only (ha!) 4/5 of North America & Europe’s population suffers from them. Lucky us! At least we’re a majority!

Even more interesting… once you have them, you should take it as a sign. I remember a Doctor of mine once told me, “If something goes wrong with you body, even the slightest thing, take a mental note…it’s telling you something is off. Find the source if you can and fix it. Otherwise, the problem will only escalate” Now granted she didn’t tell me this about hemorrhoids (the internet did), but it stands true with just about every ailment out there.

Those words were haunting me these last few weeks and suddenly I heard my inner-voice scream, “YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED!” Now I had no choice. I hadn’t had them since I was pregnant, so in my defense, I didn’t really connect the dots. I knew very little about them and figured if I’m not feeling them…they’re gone. Uh, NOPE. They were there…waiting, hibernating and plotting their next attack. Wouldn’t that be a great B movie? (sarcasm)

Then one day, like a grizzly bear being woke from his slumber, one decided to emerge…and my life took a whole new path. I was in tears. I couldn’t sit, couldn’t lay down, couldn’t stand. And walking? Forgettaboutit! It felt like someone was twisting razorblades in my netherlands. Yep, that bad…and I was down for the count.

I didn’t want to eat (afraid of what would come as a direct result) and I was PETRIFIED of using the facilities for more than numero uno. It felt like I was being ripped apart and the sheer agony of the aftermath was even more intimidating (and I don’t get intimidated).

So, maybe you’re reading this and it doesn’t sound even vaguely familiar. Here’s why: different hemorrhoids feel different. Internal ones? Yeah, those don’t hurt, but they bleed. For anyone suffering from IH (internal hemorrhoids, to be clear and for future reference) I want to warn you — if you are bleeding, at all, you NEED to go to the doctor. I know, it’s embarrassing, but it’s NEEDED. Here’s why: evidently blood coming from your “area” (I’m attempting to be PC here) can also be a sign of colon cancer. Now don’t panic. This doesn’t mean that you do, but if you are bleeding at all (I’m making this as clear as possible) go get checked.

So how do you know the difference between IH and EH (external hemorrhoids)? Well, that’s a little difficult to explain… exactly. Even IHs can feel as if they are external. IH’s come from inside of the rectum and EH are under the skin of urANUS (not the planet; still trying to remain PC). EH also feel hard to the touch (seriously, invest in some latex gloves if you’re OCD like me) and vary in size. Thrombosed (which means it’s clotted) and regular external hemorrhoids can bleed (mine didn’t, thankfully — I probably would have fainted), but you can usually tell where the blood is coming from so you’ll know it’s not an IH (that and I hear the level of pain is significantly different).

My thrombosed EH (aka Satan) was the size of a grape. My regular EH, (not unleaded by any means) was the size of a pea. So what does thrombosed mean? Essentially that bad boy is filling up with junk (mostly blood) and can NOT be pushed back in because of it’s size and is definitely the more painful of the two EHs. It’s irritated angry! It’s the bear who wasn’t ready to come out of hibernation, but rather forced. The blood needs to go and good news…it CAN be reabsorbed by your body. The regular EH was painful, but not the “I want to scream out so loudly because this is the worst pain I have ever experienced in my entire existance” sort of pain.

If you are within 48-72 hours of having a thrombosed EH — you CAN go to the doctor. You can go to the doctor at any point. There are some procedures that you can have done to help. However, if you’re like me and have an issue with exposing one of your most private places to your doctor…you can fix this at home. Just know…it’s going to take time, patience and sheer determination. Not to mention, some good advice.

I scoured (I read around 5000 different articles and comments from hemorrhoid sufferers, doctors, nurses, natural remedies, old wives tales, western medicine, etc. etc. etc.) the internet for answers. I’ll admit I was looking for some fast-acting, cure all. I wanted relief. Unfortunately that wasn’t happening…the fast part any way.

The more I read the more notes I would take. Some of the commentary made me shriek (the things some people do to find relief concern me; one guy CUT his off himself. Yeah, about that…don’t try that at home!) and some of it made me wonder, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

To understand how to fix your hemmy (and I’m not talking about the suped-up vehicle version), it’s best to find out what it IS. Hemorrhoids are veins. Inflamed veins around/in your rectum.

So what causes them? Ah, here’s a checklist for your convenience:

• pregnancy
• aging
• chronic diarrhea
• chronic constipation
• straining to move stool (related to the previous one)
• sitting for long periods (especially sitting for long periods at a time on the toilet)
• anal intercourse
• obesity
• genetics – some people inherit a tendency to develop hemorrhoids

This is not an age-related issue either. Scouring the net I have read all of those comments by people as young as 13 years old suffering from them and afraid to tell their parents (hence another reason I’m out to make the word hemorrhoids less taboo). Bottom line…don’t think that you’re immune from them or don’t be afraid to talk about them with someone, anyone.

So now that we know what causes them, how do we prevent and stop them from misbehaving? That’s the key.

You have to find the source of the problem. Food allergy? More water intake? Fiber intake? IBS? Constipation? Diarrhea (cha, cha, cha)? Pregnancy? Weight-lifting? While you’re laying there (I highly recommend laying on your side) in pain the best thing to do is think it through. Was there something you’ve been doing to wake the bear? Think it through. If you want relief from the pain and preventing it from happening again…it’s a MUST.

My problem was from the simple fact that I drank soda (zero water intake) like it was coming from a water fountain found in the middle of a dessert and that I took fiber for granted. 110% for granted. Let’s add in that I enjoy red meat. NOT helping! Constipation was enemy numero uno for me and because of that Satan and Gomer Pyle grew very close to me.

So after I thought it through, I eliminated soda. As much as I love it…it’s not worth it to me to be in that much pain for days from being what I would call ‘chronologically dehydrated’. In it’s place I began drinking water…lots of water. Room temperature water at that. Then began the fiber intake. Sure, you can take a fiber supplement, but you still have to eat better. So why not just eat foods rich in fiber?

Fiber is fundamental in loosening your stool. It makes it bulky, but it’s smooth coming out. No straining. I consider this a win!

I know you’re probably thinking…”Uh, fiber rich foods just don’t do that much for me”. Yeah, I know…I used to think the same thing. Things have changed from years ago – it tastes so much better. I was clueless on what foods had fiber so once again I scoured the net. Google is your friend. I learned that green, leafy vegetables were high in fiber (hey…I like salads…this is good), whole grain rice, whole grain bread, fruits that began with P even made the list (prunes, pears, peaches, etc.) Suddenly I was growing a shopping list. A far different, but healthier shopping list than I think I have ever made in my life.

I decided to cut out red meat because it’s much more difficult to digest than say chicken or fish. Since I like chicken, fish and turkey — that was my protein source. One of my favorite meals has become tuna salad on whole grain bread with a slice of pickle and a piece of green, leafy lettuce with a peach or pear. I have also learned to love grilled chicken fajitas with lots of red peppers, only 1/4 of the fajita seasoning and using quinoa as a filler (use whole wheat tortillas). Tasty! Even my carnivorous eating husband liked them!

I also cut out dairy — specifically cheese.

TIP: gradually increase your fiber intake. You can have an adverse reaction if you start eating too much fiber at once. You don’t want that — trust me! Yes, I made that mistake. My mistake will hopefully benefit you.

One other tip that has helped me is learning to take my time and chew my food. It really helps with the digestion of the food and obviously helps when it leaves your body.

Don’t forget the water! Fiber binds to water and helps ease the elimination process.

So the prevention problem was well under way, but I had to quickly figure out a way to get relief from my current hemorrhoid. First, don’t stop eating. I know it’s tempting, but it’s not going to help. You can eat enough to sustain yourself and be fine until you heal.

TIME TO HEAL (what worked for me):

First (and most important): Keep it clean. That is so fundamental in the healing process that I can’t stress it enough.

Second: Do not use toilet paper. You will only further aggravate it. You can buy flushable wipes that are soft to the touch or you can do what I did. I purchased baby wipes, wrung them out and then doused them in a bottle of witch hazel (found right by the rubbing alcohol at your local Walmart).

Third (if you can): Take a sitz bath after you eliminate. You can buy them from Walgreens and CVS very inexpensively. If you don’t like sitz baths you can use your bathtub. If you don’t have a bathtub…use your shower. Hot water. No soap (albeit, some people say that Dial or Dove soap helps, but I was too afraid to aggravate mine in trying). Use the witch hazel and baby wipes (or Tucks pads) to get yourself clean. Believe it or not… I feel like toilet paper is now a waste. I’ve never felt cleaner “down under”. The heat from the water actually encourages blood flow and helps speed up the healing process. Plus you won’t believe how good it feels.

Fourth (if you can): Ice pack equals numbing and it also helps reduce inflammation. WINNING! I would take 3-4 ice cubes out of the an ice bag that I bought at a convenience store, place them in a soft baggie (Ziploc is a great brand, but they’re tough — use inexpensive foldable ones for this — trust me!), roll it up, wrap one of the baby wipes around it, place it ‘there’ and slowly sit down. Sit there for 15-20 minutes. Do this as often as you feel the need to — it really helps eliminate a lot of the pain.

Fifth (after you wipe, use the hot water and/ or ice pack therapy): blot yourself dry. This is important. Some people use a blowdryer on a cool setting to help. I didn’t…seemed strange, but if that’s what you’re comfortable with…do it. Just get dry.

Sixth (if you have a thrombosed EH): If you have a thrombosed EH you’re going to want to try this homemade remedy. It provides warmth, not burn. You’ll be burning down there enough — we don’t want to add pain, we want to alleviate it. Mix 1/4 tsp of Tumeric powder (it’s an Indian herb that MANY people use for hemorrhoids — and many other things; read up on it — it’s truly amazing) and 1 tablespoon vaseline. Take a little bit of it and place it on a gauze pad. Some people use cotton balls for this, but I find it strange to do so because a cotton ball will leave fibers behind and can stick to your skin. If you use a gauze pad (especially the non-stick variety) you won’t have that concern. Some people heat it up in the microwave for a few seconds, but I skipped this part. Then place the gauze pad directly on your thrombosed EH. You will feel a warmth, not a burn. It’s important to note that Tumeric is a NSAID. I would not recommend taking it with another NSAID (Aleve, Ibuprofen, etc.) You can leave it on there for as long as you want (or can), then wipe it off with the witch hazel baby wipes and proceed to the next step.

Note: You can also buy Tumeric Curcumin in a supplement form if you want to attack it from the inside & out. However, please read up on it before you do so. There are some people who shouldn’t take it without a doctors advice. I only took 2 doses and was fine. It acted as a NSAID and worked WAY better than any pain reliever. Not to mention, pain relievers cause constipation — tumeric curcumin does not. Another win!

Seventh (if you don’t have a thrombosed EH and just a regular EH): Vaseline. Petroleum jelly. Whichever you prefer. Or you can use Preparation PH (I didn’t because it felt like it caused more burning; no thanks!) You can use the sixth step above if you’d like, and I did, but…if you can’t (you have to go somewhere and don’t want the mess) vaseline will do the trick. Get a latex glove, dab your finger in the vaseline and get a pea sized amount on your fingertip. I know, I know…seems to weird! It is, but it’s worth it! Gently rub the vaseline on your hemorrhoid. This will prevent it from being irritated any further (at least from the outside) and make things a bit easier for you than it would be without it.

Eight: Rinse. Repeat. Rest. Time. Patience. LOTS of patience!

There are many other tricks available on the internet for you to read up on. Some people cut up real garlic, cover it with olive oil and use it as as suppository. This is generally for those who suffer from IH. Majority say it burns badly, but after a while — it works. One actually got a burn from it. That’s all it took for me not to use it. You’ll obviously need to decide if you feel it’s worth the risk. Others say that Vicks Vapor Rub works great as well. I bought some, but never worked up the ‘courage’ to try it. I hear the supplements Butcher’s Broom and Horse Chestnut are fantastic, but again, I haven’t tried them personally so I can’t say for certain. I’ve also read that Vitamin E is helpful in strengthening weak veins — since hemorrhoids are veins — it’s a good possibility. They usually break open a vitamin E pill (it’s oil) and mix it with vaseline. Some people swear by exercising the sphincter (I haven’t heard/read that word since Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures) muscle. Others swear cayenne pepper (1/4 tsp) per 8ozs of water, drink daily, will do the trick. Again, I haven’t tried it so I don’t know if it does. It sounded spicy and spicy scares me right about now. If you weight-lift or do squats — stop; especially while you are healing. You’ll only prolong it. That or learn to breathe correctly by not exhaling through your…netherlands.

There are some medicines that doctors prescribe, but it’s a mixed bag of reviews on their effectiveness. Most doctor/medical websites say that the procedures available are more painful than the hemorrhoids.

In short (a novel later) it ultimately comes down to finding what works for your to ease the pain NOW and prevent it LATER. Again, I want to remind you that I’m not a professional by education, but a person with a lot of personal experience and have spent 3 weeks reading up on these. What I listed above worked best for me…and I hope it does for you too.

Before I forget, I also want to mention that a friend of mine in the medical field suggested a product that I have purchased (but waiting on delivery of) that has rave reviews called the Squatty Potty. Read up on it, it’s interesting, but with such great reviews I’m willing to give it a try. As I said before…a whole new world! lol With that said, they recommend not holding “it” in when you feel the need to go because that could make your stool more hard therefore making it more painful later on. They also say that you should only sit on the toilet for as long as you need to, not any longer. So throw out the magazines, newspapers and books…do your duty and get off the pot! 😉

If you have a tip you’d like to share please do feel free to leave a comment (spam will be deleted) below. There may not be a cure, but if it lessens the pain and helps someone…then this most personal post I’ve ever written and your suggestions are well worth it. 

Hemorrhoids on any level suck, but at least you know with 4 out of 5 people suffering from them, you’re not alone! 🙂 You could always have an anal fissure or prolapsed colon (go ahead, I dare you to look them up!). Now THOSE people…I have all sorts of empathy for them. They make hemmie’s look like an amusement ride.